Why must we try to change children's personalities?
Have you ever heard people say that they must encourage 'push' children to talk, project their voices, be more social? I'm talking about little ones, younger than five. I heard it a couple of times the other day and it just didn't sit well with me. This is not one of my theories. This is personal.
I was that child. That child hated to be pushed. That child had a will of her own. She knew what she needed. Dismissing what she needed and drawing attention to her so called shortcomings made her feel misunderstood, undervalued and anxious. Social anxiety is something that you grow to overcome, in your own time, by your own will.
That child is observing. She is collecting information about people so that she can learn how to interact with them. As a result she may grow up with a deep understanding and appreciation of people. She may become a great listener and a wonderful friend.
I wasn't pushed but I did suffer as a child from being constantly labelled. I was shy. By the time I was a teenager I became 'quiet'. Until I was about seventeen that was pretty much the sum of my identity outside the family. I took this identity on and felt that I had the most boring personality in the world.
It's been a long journey since then. That child is still there. I'm particularly aware of her at the moment having just started a new job. Now I acknowledge her, breathe, and move on. No amount of pushing will teach a child to navigate life. It comes from inside.
I am constantly exceeding my own expectations. I find it amusing and surprising that I often find myself doing things that many extroverts would find challenging. I have sung before hundreds of people and spoken to groups of twenty-five parents. I acted in a play a few years ago.
The other day I turned up at a childcare centre unannounced and requested to speak to the owner. We sat down and had a long discussion, where I explained to him that I couldn't accept a permanent job there as I felt that the education system that they had chosen was so far removed from what I believe is best for children's learning. I alerted him to the poor practices that were happening there and implied that it was impossible that those in charge could not know what was going on. I walked out of there feeling quite weird, thinking "who are you and where did you come from?"
Leave these children alone. Let them create their own identities rather than imposing identities on them. Let them imagine all the possibilities for their lives and watch them exceed their own expectations. Never underestimate children's capabilities. Encourage their strengths instead. They will show you who they are.
(The hidden gifts of the introverted child, Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D., 2005)
Saturday, 6 August 2016
Experience is the best teacher
Are we allowing children to experience life?
We had a couple of magical moments this week. The teacher was cutting some cellophane into strips for an activity when the cellophane caught the light and made a disco on the ceiling. The children were captivated and started to smile and dance. Some wanted to know how it happened. Witnessing these beautiful, natural moments of curiosity and delight is to me one of the best things about working with young children.
The next day we saw a bee on the slide. I allowed the children to look at it, but reminded them several times not to go too close. Their natural curiosity was too strong, however. One boy insisted that it was a hornet, not a bee. Another said he had never seen a bee and bent towards it to have a closer look. Somebody disturbed the bee and it flew off leaving the children shrieking with excitement.
A little girl grinned at me and said, several times, "it nearly stung us". The fact that the bee could have stung them but didn't seemed to be the greatest delight. The element of risk, of danger, of being more powerful than the danger, that was the joy that I saw in their eyes. It was a new observation for me.
Maybe experience is the best teacher. Formal learning has to link to reality, otherwise where is the meaning in it? Adults probably don't intend to curb children's opportunities to experience these spontaneous moments. We just don't notice them. The only way is to slow down and to start to look for them. We need to look through children's eyes if we want to see them.
They are there in the lights and the shadows, in the sound of the rain, in the ground where the insects live, and in the gardens where fairies hide. It's that feeling of flour on your hands and wind in your hair. It's seeing a rainbow, chasing bubbles, crouching in the dark and climbing the tallest tree.
To have the chance to experience the reality of what is there and to imagine what could be there, to enjoy the thrill of risk and the triumph over danger, to share these experiences with children and see them come alive through being permitted access to them, and to be paid to do this - what a privilege!
We had a couple of magical moments this week. The teacher was cutting some cellophane into strips for an activity when the cellophane caught the light and made a disco on the ceiling. The children were captivated and started to smile and dance. Some wanted to know how it happened. Witnessing these beautiful, natural moments of curiosity and delight is to me one of the best things about working with young children.
The next day we saw a bee on the slide. I allowed the children to look at it, but reminded them several times not to go too close. Their natural curiosity was too strong, however. One boy insisted that it was a hornet, not a bee. Another said he had never seen a bee and bent towards it to have a closer look. Somebody disturbed the bee and it flew off leaving the children shrieking with excitement.
A little girl grinned at me and said, several times, "it nearly stung us". The fact that the bee could have stung them but didn't seemed to be the greatest delight. The element of risk, of danger, of being more powerful than the danger, that was the joy that I saw in their eyes. It was a new observation for me.
Maybe experience is the best teacher. Formal learning has to link to reality, otherwise where is the meaning in it? Adults probably don't intend to curb children's opportunities to experience these spontaneous moments. We just don't notice them. The only way is to slow down and to start to look for them. We need to look through children's eyes if we want to see them.
They are there in the lights and the shadows, in the sound of the rain, in the ground where the insects live, and in the gardens where fairies hide. It's that feeling of flour on your hands and wind in your hair. It's seeing a rainbow, chasing bubbles, crouching in the dark and climbing the tallest tree.
To have the chance to experience the reality of what is there and to imagine what could be there, to enjoy the thrill of risk and the triumph over danger, to share these experiences with children and see them come alive through being permitted access to them, and to be paid to do this - what a privilege!
Saturday, 7 May 2016
Compassion
Are we seeing the child, or are we seeing the behaviour?
I'm so glad that the terminology that we use has changed from 'behaviour management', to 'behaviour guidance', and now to 'relationships with children and families'. There's been a lot of discussion on this subject this week, and I've had some experiences that have made an impression on me. I'd like to reduce all the discussion down to just one word - compassion.
When a child shows behaviour that needs to be 'managed' the child is not being a problem to you, the child has a problem of his/her own. We have a little boy who is having trouble controlling his anger. This week he pushed his friend against the glass doors and sat on his head, pinning him to the ground. I steered him away and he sat down a couple of metres away and watched the other children go back to playing. I watched him for a few seconds, then sat down next to him. We sat for a few minutes while I patted his back, then I asked him "Are you okay?" A while later he asked me if he could go and play again. I said, "If you feel that you can play safely, you can play again". I stayed close by just in case, and sure enough a few minutes later I saw him holding two toys above his head, threatening another child with them. I steered him away and he dropped his arms down quietly. I could see that he was ashamed that he nearly 'lost it'.
This child knows what is right and wrong. He was doing his best. All children are doing their best with the knowledge and understanding that they have at the time, just as we are. There is no way that I always say and do the right things, and I know that others don't always agree with my decisions regarding my interactions with children. This child is experiencing something at home that any adult would struggle to deal with. I responded to his behaviour in the way that I felt was right. I can tell you dozens of similar stories. Compassion works, I've seen it time and time again.
Please don't say to a child, "You're making me sad". Children's behaviour is not about you, although the way they react to you is often a reflection of how you respond to them. Children don't learn about emotions and relationships through flash cards with facial expressions on them. They learn through the way that they are treated. They will respond to the tone of our voice, our touch, our genuine interest in them, and the genuine joy that we show when we are with them. If we can't always feel and show this they will understand. Children are almost infinitely forgiving, particularly if they have learned compassion from being with us.
Please see the child. Every one is special and has his/her own story. We should never forget that we have a hand in forming who they become. They will grow up to be people who have compassion, and people who have compassion will create a better world for all of us.
I'm so glad that the terminology that we use has changed from 'behaviour management', to 'behaviour guidance', and now to 'relationships with children and families'. There's been a lot of discussion on this subject this week, and I've had some experiences that have made an impression on me. I'd like to reduce all the discussion down to just one word - compassion.
When a child shows behaviour that needs to be 'managed' the child is not being a problem to you, the child has a problem of his/her own. We have a little boy who is having trouble controlling his anger. This week he pushed his friend against the glass doors and sat on his head, pinning him to the ground. I steered him away and he sat down a couple of metres away and watched the other children go back to playing. I watched him for a few seconds, then sat down next to him. We sat for a few minutes while I patted his back, then I asked him "Are you okay?" A while later he asked me if he could go and play again. I said, "If you feel that you can play safely, you can play again". I stayed close by just in case, and sure enough a few minutes later I saw him holding two toys above his head, threatening another child with them. I steered him away and he dropped his arms down quietly. I could see that he was ashamed that he nearly 'lost it'.
This child knows what is right and wrong. He was doing his best. All children are doing their best with the knowledge and understanding that they have at the time, just as we are. There is no way that I always say and do the right things, and I know that others don't always agree with my decisions regarding my interactions with children. This child is experiencing something at home that any adult would struggle to deal with. I responded to his behaviour in the way that I felt was right. I can tell you dozens of similar stories. Compassion works, I've seen it time and time again.
Please don't say to a child, "You're making me sad". Children's behaviour is not about you, although the way they react to you is often a reflection of how you respond to them. Children don't learn about emotions and relationships through flash cards with facial expressions on them. They learn through the way that they are treated. They will respond to the tone of our voice, our touch, our genuine interest in them, and the genuine joy that we show when we are with them. If we can't always feel and show this they will understand. Children are almost infinitely forgiving, particularly if they have learned compassion from being with us.
Please see the child. Every one is special and has his/her own story. We should never forget that we have a hand in forming who they become. They will grow up to be people who have compassion, and people who have compassion will create a better world for all of us.
Sunday, 24 April 2016
What are the rules?
When I got back from the school holidays a coworker said to me, "Penny, I don't understand the rules". She was very frustrated, poor thing.
This has been going around in my head a bit since then. I was thinking, "Ooh, I've forgotten about rules. That's weird, I'd forgotten that I used to have rules". Okay, now you probably think I've really gone crazy. The thing is I hadn't realized how much my thinking had been shifting for a long time. Incrementally my language has been changing too. Now this is just as a result of learning and experimenting and thinking about what I consider to be best practice. Over the years people I work with have relaxed into my ways and are starting to understand them, so I don't feel as much pressure to compromise what I believe in to keep other people feeling comfortable.
My rules are as follows:
I want everyone to try to learn how to respect each other and the equipment in the environment.
Respecting means respecting each other's safety, each other's time and each other's feelings. It means considering others' perspectives in relation to sharing the space, materials, interactions, attention etc. I want respect to be equal between children, between educators, from educator to child, and from child to educator. I want us to function as a community in which everyone has a sense of belonging. To me that is clear and covers everything that may come up, and that's all I need to know. I feel sorry for my poor coworkers who have to try to decipher what that means in practice.
The idea is that children's decisions should come from inside them. They should build an understanding of why decisions are made so that they can make judgements that are right for them. I have stopped saying "Use your walking feet inside". Now I say "Be careful, I just mopped the floor". I don't say "Use your quiet voice inside", I say "Oh, that's really hurting my ears". Often children want to do things and ask if they can do things. These children are constantly asking to do things out of the box, so having no precedent for everything they want to do I can't have a rule about whether or not they can do it.
I think about two things when a child asks if he/she can do something:
Will it impact negatively on anyone in the room, including the other educators?
Will they learn anything from doing it?
I am using the word 'learning' loosely and take it to mean anything that is in the Framework, including building confidence, talking calculated risks, 'being', and sharing humour and happiness. I want the children to have every possible opportunity to learn, but most of all I want them to develop 'dispositions for learning'. When they go to school I want them to think "I can make friends, I am a good friend, I am going to be okay". I want them to think "This reading looks challenging, but I'm not afraid to try challenging things, I am going to be okay". If they have the inner resources that they need they are going to be okay, whatever comes up in their lives, however this can't happen without trust and without very specific teaching. If people see a lack of structure or boundaries in this they are completely missing the point.
A quick smile at a child in passing is as important to me as teaching him/her letters, more important. I want children to know that they are valuable, that they are seen. A strong sense of worth will carry them much further that any knowledge that they may accumulate. It will help them to learn whatever they need to know (in the time that is right for them). This is what's frustrating me about our education system. There is not enough respect for 'the time that is right for them'. We are taught to honour it, but the school system doesn't. Many parents seem to fear this, so they try to push their children to be ready for the school system. Doesn't work. Of course we don't want children to be left behind, but lack of confidence will hold them back faster than lack of knowledge.
I rarely do anything at work without first thinking, "I wonder if a child would enjoy doing this instead of me?" If it will help them feel capable and competent (and trusted) I will encourage them to do it. I let them carry hot food, use the camera and get paint out of the cupboard for themselves. They've never dropped the food or the camera. Can't remember how many times I have. The other day the boys were giving an educator from the agency a really hard time. I took them outside with me so that she wouldn't stress but I was thinking, "Oh, I'd almost forgotten about behaviour. I barely think about it anymore". The children respect me. I adore them and they know it. On Friday I was at a training session and deliberately made myself vulnerable by asking the facilitator about her views on home toys. I totally regretted it. Nobody agreed with me. Too progressive?
And by the way I have plenty of rules for educators:
- No colouring-in
- No worksheets
- No templates
- No stencils
- No demonstrating drawing
- No structured art activities
- No raising your voice
Mmmmm....... :)
This has been going around in my head a bit since then. I was thinking, "Ooh, I've forgotten about rules. That's weird, I'd forgotten that I used to have rules". Okay, now you probably think I've really gone crazy. The thing is I hadn't realized how much my thinking had been shifting for a long time. Incrementally my language has been changing too. Now this is just as a result of learning and experimenting and thinking about what I consider to be best practice. Over the years people I work with have relaxed into my ways and are starting to understand them, so I don't feel as much pressure to compromise what I believe in to keep other people feeling comfortable.
My rules are as follows:
I want everyone to try to learn how to respect each other and the equipment in the environment.
Respecting means respecting each other's safety, each other's time and each other's feelings. It means considering others' perspectives in relation to sharing the space, materials, interactions, attention etc. I want respect to be equal between children, between educators, from educator to child, and from child to educator. I want us to function as a community in which everyone has a sense of belonging. To me that is clear and covers everything that may come up, and that's all I need to know. I feel sorry for my poor coworkers who have to try to decipher what that means in practice.
The idea is that children's decisions should come from inside them. They should build an understanding of why decisions are made so that they can make judgements that are right for them. I have stopped saying "Use your walking feet inside". Now I say "Be careful, I just mopped the floor". I don't say "Use your quiet voice inside", I say "Oh, that's really hurting my ears". Often children want to do things and ask if they can do things. These children are constantly asking to do things out of the box, so having no precedent for everything they want to do I can't have a rule about whether or not they can do it.
I think about two things when a child asks if he/she can do something:
Will it impact negatively on anyone in the room, including the other educators?
Will they learn anything from doing it?
I am using the word 'learning' loosely and take it to mean anything that is in the Framework, including building confidence, talking calculated risks, 'being', and sharing humour and happiness. I want the children to have every possible opportunity to learn, but most of all I want them to develop 'dispositions for learning'. When they go to school I want them to think "I can make friends, I am a good friend, I am going to be okay". I want them to think "This reading looks challenging, but I'm not afraid to try challenging things, I am going to be okay". If they have the inner resources that they need they are going to be okay, whatever comes up in their lives, however this can't happen without trust and without very specific teaching. If people see a lack of structure or boundaries in this they are completely missing the point.
A quick smile at a child in passing is as important to me as teaching him/her letters, more important. I want children to know that they are valuable, that they are seen. A strong sense of worth will carry them much further that any knowledge that they may accumulate. It will help them to learn whatever they need to know (in the time that is right for them). This is what's frustrating me about our education system. There is not enough respect for 'the time that is right for them'. We are taught to honour it, but the school system doesn't. Many parents seem to fear this, so they try to push their children to be ready for the school system. Doesn't work. Of course we don't want children to be left behind, but lack of confidence will hold them back faster than lack of knowledge.
I rarely do anything at work without first thinking, "I wonder if a child would enjoy doing this instead of me?" If it will help them feel capable and competent (and trusted) I will encourage them to do it. I let them carry hot food, use the camera and get paint out of the cupboard for themselves. They've never dropped the food or the camera. Can't remember how many times I have. The other day the boys were giving an educator from the agency a really hard time. I took them outside with me so that she wouldn't stress but I was thinking, "Oh, I'd almost forgotten about behaviour. I barely think about it anymore". The children respect me. I adore them and they know it. On Friday I was at a training session and deliberately made myself vulnerable by asking the facilitator about her views on home toys. I totally regretted it. Nobody agreed with me. Too progressive?
And by the way I have plenty of rules for educators:
- No colouring-in
- No worksheets
- No templates
- No stencils
- No demonstrating drawing
- No structured art activities
- No raising your voice
Mmmmm....... :)
Saturday, 13 February 2016
Maths in the early years
Research is showing that children who don't attend childcare have higher levels of numeracy ability than children who do.
Umm, this is a problem obviously, and it's definitely something that we should be looking at. So, apparently the reason for this is that children who are cared for by parents are often involved in aspects of the parents' routines. This could be shopping, "Now we need to get buy three oranges. One, two, three" (Learning about numbers means learning one-to-one correspondence. Understanding the concept of numbers is much more important than learning to recite them). This could be cooking "Now, I'll measure this cup of flour and then you can stir it for me." This could be folding the washing. "I'll put all these shirts in a pile, and these towels over here." (Sorting and classifying). "Oh, it's nearly time to pick your brother up from school. Oops, 2.30." (Beginning to understand time).
So the common denominator is .......? Language. We need to talk more. Numeracy learning is part of life. It's one of the easiest things to incorporate into our programs. We need to remember to use language more, like a parent would. Children are engaging with maths concepts all the time. Much of our resouces are designed with this in mind - puzzles, sorting toys, stacking cups, scales, wooden blocks, water play etc. The most valuable thing that we can do is to model the use of mathematical language while children are engaging with these concepts with their hands. Learning should be concrete, and our job is to draw children's attention to the language that supports the concepts.
Songs and stories are full of numeracy and maths learning. The more of these that we can use in our program the better.
So, language to use:
Lighter, heavier, full, empty, long, short, longer, shorter, wider, higher.
More than, less than, longer than, shorter than, emptier, fuller.
"I just need to count you before we go to Yoga. 1, 2, 3, 4,"
"How many colours do you think we need?"
"Now let's pack up the blocks on this shelf and the Lego in this basket."
"I'll give you half a bowl of lunch and then if you want more you can have more."
"How about we share this sandwich evenly between you."
See, numeracy language is everywhere. Just remember to talk!
Umm, this is a problem obviously, and it's definitely something that we should be looking at. So, apparently the reason for this is that children who are cared for by parents are often involved in aspects of the parents' routines. This could be shopping, "Now we need to get buy three oranges. One, two, three" (Learning about numbers means learning one-to-one correspondence. Understanding the concept of numbers is much more important than learning to recite them). This could be cooking "Now, I'll measure this cup of flour and then you can stir it for me." This could be folding the washing. "I'll put all these shirts in a pile, and these towels over here." (Sorting and classifying). "Oh, it's nearly time to pick your brother up from school. Oops, 2.30." (Beginning to understand time).
So the common denominator is .......? Language. We need to talk more. Numeracy learning is part of life. It's one of the easiest things to incorporate into our programs. We need to remember to use language more, like a parent would. Children are engaging with maths concepts all the time. Much of our resouces are designed with this in mind - puzzles, sorting toys, stacking cups, scales, wooden blocks, water play etc. The most valuable thing that we can do is to model the use of mathematical language while children are engaging with these concepts with their hands. Learning should be concrete, and our job is to draw children's attention to the language that supports the concepts.
Songs and stories are full of numeracy and maths learning. The more of these that we can use in our program the better.
So, language to use:
Lighter, heavier, full, empty, long, short, longer, shorter, wider, higher.
More than, less than, longer than, shorter than, emptier, fuller.
"I just need to count you before we go to Yoga. 1, 2, 3, 4,"
"How many colours do you think we need?"
"Now let's pack up the blocks on this shelf and the Lego in this basket."
"I'll give you half a bowl of lunch and then if you want more you can have more."
"How about we share this sandwich evenly between you."
See, numeracy language is everywhere. Just remember to talk!
Toys from home
I've done some Googling around and discovered that most kindergarten teachers have a 'Toys from home' policy.
I'm not 'most kindergarten teachers' and I like to be a bit different. I started a discussion group with the parents from my kinder because many had questions about whether children should bring toys from home. There were a variety of perspectives. This is mine:
If children have comfort items this means that they must need them. I believe that children should decide when to give up their comfort items, and that most do decide this at a young age. Children who need comfort items are not feeling completely secure. Taking aware their comfort items means taking away their security, and we don't want to do that. They won't learn unless they feel secure.
Toys from home reflect children's interests and home lives. To deny that children have a life away from kinder is to deny part of children's identity. Our aim should be to bridge the gap between home and kinder, to respect children for who they are and for what they love, and to try to identify with their world. Children will build strong relationships with adults who make an effort to enter their worlds. They will therefore be more responsive to the learning opportunities that we offer them.
During my past few years in kinder I have chosen to view home toys as I would any other toys in the service. I don't distinguish between them. I don't view home toys as bad and kinder toys as somehow more valuable. Toys are toys. It's how they are used that matters.
Between four and five children become much more socially motivated. This becomes so clear during the kinder year. They come to kinder to see their friends and they can't wait to show their friends their toys from home. As one parent said, these toys become their social capital. Children combine the centre's equipment and toys with their toys from home to create imaginative play. Rather than becoming an object that the child plays with at home in isolation, the home toy becomes a common interest, a shared joy, a means of forging and maintaining relationships amongst peers.
I don't ask children to share their toys from home. These are their belongings. I wouldn't ask them to share their water bottle or their school bag. Children need to learn about ownership. If children are reluctant to share their own toys it is usually because they are protective of them. They understand their worth and they have value to them. It is normal to want to protect your belongings if you are unsure that others will be respectful of them. I would prefer that children learn this, rather than that have a lack of understanding of value and therefore waste or destroy property.
Maybe some children are allowed to bring more toys from home than others are. Maybe a child doesn't choose to share their toys from home, maybe somebody's toy from home is lost. Life is full of disappointments and these are tiny ones. This is part of children's learning. Without resilience happiness is difficult to obtain. Allowing children to learn to delay gratification is a precious gift that will change their life. Why do we see this as a bad thing?
As a side note, the thought of doing 'Show and Tell' with four year-olds makes me hyperventilate. Don't ask it of me. Life is too short!
I'm not 'most kindergarten teachers' and I like to be a bit different. I started a discussion group with the parents from my kinder because many had questions about whether children should bring toys from home. There were a variety of perspectives. This is mine:
If children have comfort items this means that they must need them. I believe that children should decide when to give up their comfort items, and that most do decide this at a young age. Children who need comfort items are not feeling completely secure. Taking aware their comfort items means taking away their security, and we don't want to do that. They won't learn unless they feel secure.
Toys from home reflect children's interests and home lives. To deny that children have a life away from kinder is to deny part of children's identity. Our aim should be to bridge the gap between home and kinder, to respect children for who they are and for what they love, and to try to identify with their world. Children will build strong relationships with adults who make an effort to enter their worlds. They will therefore be more responsive to the learning opportunities that we offer them.
During my past few years in kinder I have chosen to view home toys as I would any other toys in the service. I don't distinguish between them. I don't view home toys as bad and kinder toys as somehow more valuable. Toys are toys. It's how they are used that matters.
Between four and five children become much more socially motivated. This becomes so clear during the kinder year. They come to kinder to see their friends and they can't wait to show their friends their toys from home. As one parent said, these toys become their social capital. Children combine the centre's equipment and toys with their toys from home to create imaginative play. Rather than becoming an object that the child plays with at home in isolation, the home toy becomes a common interest, a shared joy, a means of forging and maintaining relationships amongst peers.
I don't ask children to share their toys from home. These are their belongings. I wouldn't ask them to share their water bottle or their school bag. Children need to learn about ownership. If children are reluctant to share their own toys it is usually because they are protective of them. They understand their worth and they have value to them. It is normal to want to protect your belongings if you are unsure that others will be respectful of them. I would prefer that children learn this, rather than that have a lack of understanding of value and therefore waste or destroy property.
Maybe some children are allowed to bring more toys from home than others are. Maybe a child doesn't choose to share their toys from home, maybe somebody's toy from home is lost. Life is full of disappointments and these are tiny ones. This is part of children's learning. Without resilience happiness is difficult to obtain. Allowing children to learn to delay gratification is a precious gift that will change their life. Why do we see this as a bad thing?
As a side note, the thought of doing 'Show and Tell' with four year-olds makes me hyperventilate. Don't ask it of me. Life is too short!
Sunday, 19 April 2015
Repair the world
I went to a training day last Monday and we were asked to discuss the answer to this question with the people sitting next to us.
'How do we repair the world with children?'
The answers that came up at the end were as I expected. "We teach them self-help skills", "We teach them about diversity and inclusion". Three educators from my workplace were sitting with me. They didn't say anything but all turned to look at me, waiting for my answer. I said, "I love them". They all giggled, but didn't make any comments. I said "I'm not joking. It sounds simple but that's my answer".
I've learned something lately that I consider to be very important. I need to be less judgmental of other people's interactions with children. To see someone stand and watch a child crying puzzles me and hurts me because I can't stand to see people suffer. It seems that for some people there is a barrier between themselves and a person who is feeling pain and it is difficult to cross. Maybe this is because their childhood experience is of having their pain unacknowledged.
If this is so, then this is an even greater reason to push through this barrier. We can't repair the world if we have barriers between ourselves and others, if we are impaired in our ability to give and receive love, and if we are unable to show the care and comfort that we feel. We want to create children who are different. Self-help skills and teaching inclusion are not enough to build a world that is safe and whole if people are undernourished in their sense of self-worth.
Self-worth is difficult to acquire if we have not been unconditionally loved and accepted. Love and acceptance of others grows from being loved by others. We put up barriers to protect ourselves and if we know we are loved and accepted we don't need barriers. I believe so strongly that we can teach children many things, but that they learn social and emotional skills primarily through the way that they are treated. We need to show kindness if we want children to be kind. We need to show them care and comfort if we want them to care for and comfort others.
I wish we could be less clinical as educators, stop talking around in circles, stop quoting frameworks etc., and get right to the heart of what matters most. One of the speakers said that she's recently visited some Reggio centres in Italy and found that their focus is now centred on relationships. This is enough for me to remain strong in my belief that this is the best approach. Without love, acceptance, trust and a strong sense of self-worth children will struggle to build friendships, develop their strengths, and learn. Let's cross barriers and 'repair the world!'
'How do we repair the world with children?'
The answers that came up at the end were as I expected. "We teach them self-help skills", "We teach them about diversity and inclusion". Three educators from my workplace were sitting with me. They didn't say anything but all turned to look at me, waiting for my answer. I said, "I love them". They all giggled, but didn't make any comments. I said "I'm not joking. It sounds simple but that's my answer".
I've learned something lately that I consider to be very important. I need to be less judgmental of other people's interactions with children. To see someone stand and watch a child crying puzzles me and hurts me because I can't stand to see people suffer. It seems that for some people there is a barrier between themselves and a person who is feeling pain and it is difficult to cross. Maybe this is because their childhood experience is of having their pain unacknowledged.
If this is so, then this is an even greater reason to push through this barrier. We can't repair the world if we have barriers between ourselves and others, if we are impaired in our ability to give and receive love, and if we are unable to show the care and comfort that we feel. We want to create children who are different. Self-help skills and teaching inclusion are not enough to build a world that is safe and whole if people are undernourished in their sense of self-worth.
Self-worth is difficult to acquire if we have not been unconditionally loved and accepted. Love and acceptance of others grows from being loved by others. We put up barriers to protect ourselves and if we know we are loved and accepted we don't need barriers. I believe so strongly that we can teach children many things, but that they learn social and emotional skills primarily through the way that they are treated. We need to show kindness if we want children to be kind. We need to show them care and comfort if we want them to care for and comfort others.
I wish we could be less clinical as educators, stop talking around in circles, stop quoting frameworks etc., and get right to the heart of what matters most. One of the speakers said that she's recently visited some Reggio centres in Italy and found that their focus is now centred on relationships. This is enough for me to remain strong in my belief that this is the best approach. Without love, acceptance, trust and a strong sense of self-worth children will struggle to build friendships, develop their strengths, and learn. Let's cross barriers and 'repair the world!'
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